Christmas 2010

Christmas 2010 turned out to be a pretty peaceful one. I have to say I had my doubts. I just had the hardest time finding "the Christmas spirit" this year. It's been an emotionally grueling year and the month of December wasn't any different. I'm still not sure if it's circumstances or spiritual (probably both) but I sure experienced the blues this year.
Thankfully, my kids have turned Christmas into something more special than I ever could have imagined. I do believe the anticipation of waiting for the kids to get up on Christmas morning is even greater than that which I experienced as a child. When I was a little girl, my brothers and I used to all camp out in their room. We would listen to Christmas carols, sneak out to check for Santa and tickle each others feet. The sleepover is a tradition we chose to continue with our kiddos. And while it's a little tricky now, trying to get everyone to sleep and all.. I do believe it will be a special time for them for years to come.
I loved the looks on their faces this morning as they came into the living room and saw their presents sitting in front of the fireplace. The glow from the Christmas lights gave the room such a warm, magical feeling. Nate, my parents and I looked on as they took turns opening their stockings and squealing with delight at the goodies inside; bubble gum, barbie dolls and even a personal roll of tape for each child (My kids have a strange fetish with scotch tape this year).
As I watched them, laughing and grinning and loving each other. My heart was at peace. And that was my only Christmas wish this year.
They really are amazing kids. And I get to be their mom. And if I never do anything else ... I am their mom. And that is enough.


The spirit of Christmas is love... Christ's love. A mother's love. A family's love.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Nathaniel

It's 2006 and life in the Sweeney household is pretty great. We have our two girls, Emma is 4 and Jillian is 9 months. We have plans to move to Arkansas in January of 2007 and so far things are right on track.

.. fast forward just a couple of weeks. I am ONE day late and my mind flashes back to the day the girls took a long nap.... hmmmm....
This particular evening I am planning to go out with some girlfriends for one of the girls birthdays. But I stop off first at the DOLLAR STORE and buy... a pregnancy test.
I get to the restaurant go in the bathroom and do my thing. You may find it interesting to know that this is neither the first time I bought a dollar store pregnancy test NOR the first time I took it in a public bathroom.

From my experience.... dollar store pregnancy tests taken in public bathrooms are ALWAYS positive.

And so it was that I was pregnant, unexpectedly, with our 3rd child. I took home a to go box from the restaurant that night, stuck the positive test in it and handed it to Nate. WHAT was his response to this little surprise???

" Really... oh wow. .... where's the rolls?"

yep. that's what he said.

Eventually, we both got used to the idea. Sure, this was pretty quick and not what we were thinking, but we had talked a little about having a third, trying for that boy.. so... here we go!

The thing that really confirmed for me that I was having a boy was not an ultrasound or anything like that. It was my appetite. It was INSATIABLE. I wanted to eat all the time. I craved everything, I dreamed about food. I was NEVER full.
So, when Nathaniel was born on May 18, 2007 at 2 in the morning, 3 weeks early and weighing 7lbs 15oz ... it was no surprise that he was a very eager nurser. I can say that I never had one problem convincing that boy to eat. I didn't have to rub cold, wet clothes on him to wake him up enough. He was ALWAYS ready and willing. Although, he did prefer only the mom, of course. No bottles for this big guy.
I can't even begin to describe the difference in parenting a boy as opposed to a girl. This little man stole my heart. He was happy and content and friendly. And he had and still has the most beautiful, full kissable lips!!
Nathaniel Joseph, our little surprise baby, has brought so much joy to our family. He is such a little cut-up and ham.





He plays rough like a boy and is a little bit mischievous. He loves to wrestle with his dad and ANTAGONIZE his big sisters, especially Emma. He is still as sweet and lovable as he was as an infant. And he loves his mommy. :) He loves for me to sing to him " You Are My Sunshine and You Are My Bubby Boy" and then he sings to me " You are my Mommy Girl".
He still likes to eat. A lot. He loves sweets and he loves to get dirty. He is usually... naked...or at least nearly so. I don't know WHY but the boy just doesn't like clothing!
He continues to make friends with everyone he meets, which makes me think he would be a fabulous pastor.. or politician. Right now he is content to use this skills to get candy from the ladies at church or to sweet talk Mama Bear into an extra "turn" at her house.

He was unexpected and unplanned. We had not prepared for another baby so soon. But when I look at Nathaniel, I remember that sometimes God places unexpected things in our lives. Even though we feel unprepared or inadequate, many times God uses those situations to provide the biggest blessings.
Nathaniel- gift from God.
Joseph- God will increase.
Nathaniel, is a special surprise gift from God. The Lord knew how much we needed him and his sweet, caring, trusting personality in our family. And He has increased our joy and love beyond what we ever thought.
I love my little man and it is and always has been my prayer that he will be tender towards God at an early age, sensitive to His voice and a man after God's heart. As a baby I sang to him every night, as he nursed, "when the spirit of the Lord moves upon my heart, I will dance like David danced. I will dance, I will dance, I will dance like David danced". I pray that this will be true for him his whole life, that he will allow Gods spirit to move on him and pursue Jesus with unbridled passion.
I love you, honny man.

Jillian

Jillian Faith is our second daughter and the middle child. When Nate and I first began talking about when we would like to start trying for another baby ( that day according to Nate ;) ) little did we know, she was already conceived.
By this time I had been a mom for nearly 3 years. So reality had set in and I knew what to expect... or so I thought.
Jillian proved from the very beginning that she was anything but typical. I've blogged about her health issues before so I won't go into all that now ( you are welcome to go back and read it) except to say that she is one tough little chicky.
With her diagnosis of Turner Syndrome, her birth was certainly rocky...but looking back we realize that things went a lot smoother than they could have. Weighing in at 5lbs 8oz ( one oz heavier than her sister), Jillian didn't have to spend a single minute in the NICU, which was really surprising since they had told us even that as they were beginning induction that she definitely would spend some time there.
We stayed a little longer than usual in the hospital, but Jilly Bean did amazing. She nursed so well and was such a trooper as dozens of tests were run on her. She had to most peaceful demeanor and quickly became a favorite among the nurses.

The day we came home was freezing!!! So we bundled Jillian up and placed her in the co sleeper next to our bed while we ate. When we went in to check on her she had wiggled herself to the middle of our queen size bed! We are still amazed at how strong she is!

I think the most amazing thing about Jillian is her smile.
This is the look she has on her face about 80% of the time ( the other 20% is the exact OPPOSITE of this! haha!). And she has been this way since day one. I remember the week after we came home my girl friend brought dinner over for us. She was holding Jillian and talking to her when Jillian gave her a sweet closed-lip little grin. "Oh my gosh!!! Did you see that?!?! She just SMILED at me!!" And Jilly continued to smile like this from that day forward.
One definition of her name, Jillian is "regenerate". Which means; "to cause a spiritual or moral reform in, to bring about a change, esp a good one, to be born-again spiritually, to restore a body part by the growth of new tissue". As if that wasn't great enough... another definition is "youthful". And Jillian lives up to this for sure. She makes people feel special and happy and just good. She is funny and light-hearted and easy going.
Her middle name is Faith. The substance of things hoped for. The evidence of things unseen...

While she loves her sister and looks up to her, she is perfectly content to do her own thing. And so when something comes up that she doesn't want to do.... she doesn't. She seems to feel no pressure to follow the crowd and is perfectly content to do her own thing. Most Sundays, before church, you will find her running around the sanctuary with that silly smile and singing her heart out. Sometimes she has a friend. Other times she does not. But neither way seems to bother her too much.
Her physical issues have definitely taken their toll on all of us. And we never anticipated parenting a child like her. I can't imagine how empty my life would be without her...just as she is. Nearly everyone who meets her remarks at her joyful, peaceful countenance. To know her is to love her. It's that simple. Only a few know what a miracle she is. And we take any opportunity we can to brag on our God. and our girl.


She is our sunshine.

Emma

I know it seems like I have writers block, especially since I made a commitment to blog something everyday. And yet I haven't written much at all.
Mostly it's because I have a bunch of stuff going on in my head and I don't won't to post a "heavy" blog.
That is why my next three posts will be about my children. They make me happy. When I think about them I smile... and I hope that when you read about how I see them, that you will smile too.


Emma Grace just turned 8 last week. When I think back to the week she was born, I remember the cool autumn air and sitting on my parents back porch drinking sweet tea. Nate and I were so young and naive. We had this parenting thing all figured out and we were going to rock it. We both loved kids, came from large families and had babysat hundreds of times. We were pros.

Our first taste of parenting and our first glimpse into Emma's personality and my actual parenting style ( as opposed to the one that would magically come upon me when I gave birth...right) came about a month or so before she was born. Let's just say I didn't take the greatest care of myself and Emma did NOT find this to her satisfaction. I began experiencing high blood pressure and some major swelling. Eventually, it was this high blood pressure that landed me in the hospital 3 1/2 weeks before my due date, getting prepped for induction. I went in on a Sunday afternoon and pitocin was started at 1 AM Monday Oct 21st. After 12 painful , and rather trippy hours of epidural-less labor, Emma finally made her appearance, red-faced and screaming and telling the world of her injustice. And oh... so, so beautiful. To this day, I have never seen a more beautiful newborn baby... and I have two more kids.

Life changed forever that day for Nate and I. Every idea about parenting we had came crashing down for what would be the first..but not the last, time. Things were rough, to say the least, those first few months as I battled postpartum depression on top of sleep-deprivation and Emma refused to nurse.

Eventually... Emma and I... we found our way. It hasn't been easy as we are so much alike yet so very different. Emma is still the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. She has smooth, pink skin and sparkly blue eyes and a smile that will melt hearts.

Not only is she beautiful... she's smart. And I meant it... she really is smart. I'm not being all crazy like she's a prodigy or anything. I mean that she's a deep thinker. This year I have had the privledge (and the headache) of homeschooling her. While I really don't think we will do it again, I have so enjoyed getting to get a peek inside her head. Emma thinks of questions that I would never think to ask. She has a beautifully compassionate heart. I love to hear her thoughts on how we can, through Christ, make a difference in this world. I am amazed at her tenderness towards "the least of these", be they animals or little children or maybe the mentally handicapped. She shows a great wisdom in her actions, thoughts and words towards them.
She has taught me so much.
And she's funny! She loves to make people laugh, especially her dad. I can tell that for her to get an honest belly laugh from her dad is like winning the gold! And when we get an honest belly laugh from her....it is the sweetest, most adorable sound!

Emma Grace... has lived up to her name. Emma- Healer and Grace- God's unmerited favor and empowerment. Through loving her, God has healed places in me that I didn't even know were broken. In teaching her and raising her and struggling with her, my eyes have been opened to so much more of my shortcomings...yet even more of God's grace.
She is my Emma Girl.

wrimple cream

Tonight at Walmart.. I placed into my cart... age-defying facial cleanser AND and eye cream that is useful for both bags and crows feet.

When it comes to skin care systems I have a little dilemma. While it has become very evident that plumpers and fillers are needed (apparently 10 years ago :( ) ... I still need something to help prevent acne too! I have spent collective hours standing on tippy toes and squatting ( which is not as easy as it used to be) to find the magical cream that treats both acne and fine lines. From what I can tell... it doesn't exist. There is no "middle age" cream. Wrimple (pimple/wrinkle) cream.

and another thing.... I don't REMEMBER getting old. One night I went to bed a young, skinny, firm, woman. And I swear it was just the next day when I woke up......... tired!!!

...and.... squishy. :/

But know this...

I'm not stressing. I'm not afraid of aging.... I just didn't realize I was already doing it. Now that I have been made aware I am ready to embrace it! I've been on google researching Bingo strategies and finding out which restaurants honor the AARP.

...this is gonna be good. ;)

I am happy because...

Tonight I am happy because ... I now have FOUR followers on my blog!!

I feel so special! So honored that you all would choose to follow my blog. All on your own. Without any persuasion WHATSOEVER from me. I mean.. its not like I sent out an email whining to you guys about needing followers cause I had none. No...nothing of the sort.

:)

Really though. Thanks.

Going Beyond

Today, as I was at church and participating in the worship service, my heart was just impressed to declare "Holy, Holy, Holy" to the Lord. So I looked up the word holy and this is what it means:

"exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness."

Something that the holy spirit begin to press on my heart is this:

I have always been one to relate to God and tell people about God either from the perspective that He is a loving and devout father, or a passionate and faithful bridegroom. Both of these personifications are accurate and extremely powerful. But God wanted me to see that He is "worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness".

In that moment I experienced and sense of power and authority and reverence that I have never experienced before. Yes, He loves us, yes He is caring and compassionate, yes, He is faithful. But God was using this time to show me that there is no one who I could ever compare to his Power! His Majesty! I mean... Imagine Sampson and His strength...or Solomon and all His wisdom, Paul and his powerful convictions, ..... None of these men and there strength came even the tiniest fraction of fractions in comparison!! I understood the awesomeness of a God who could create the most intricate details of my innermost being with the same hand he used to wipe out entire nations. I felt so small... but not in a demeaning or shameful way. I understood that His wisdom is absolutely unending. He hold the answers to EVERYTHING... EVERYTHING!! Do you realize how INCREDIBLE that is?!? Think about it!!

I guess, you could say, I was just given fresh perspective of who I am in comparison to Him. And also who I am BECAUSE of Him. In a moment all self-doubts and insecurity was diminished drastically because I realized EVERYTHING good and profitable in me is from Him!

So, yes, he loves and protects me like a daddy loves and protects his little girl and he woos me and draws me closer like a lover. But He is God. The one and only. The perfect ONE. Worthy of praise and adoration and respect and reverence.

I believe, partly he allowed me to see this because of my doubt. In this time, this morning, I realized that there were some areas I wasn't trusting Him in. I'm convinced He wanted me to see His POWER and authority is unmatched! There is no power on earth, no sickness or disease, no person with ill-intentions for me, no circumstance... NOTHING... that is bigger or more powerful than He.

........................................I'm afraid my writing falls painfully short of communicating the experience that I had. But I guess thats fitting with the theme that nothing compares to Him and His glory and his presence. I could never retell my morning with the conviction that the Holy Spirit shared it with me.

But... the good news is.... you can experience this kind of relationship too. That's what God desires of us.

For me... Going beyond and experiencing MORE of this beautiful relationship with Christ, is going to require some physical acts of CHOOSING His presence. It means turning off the TV or putting down the book or shutting off the computer ( youch) to embark on a journey where the experiences are real and ETERNAL.

I think I'm ready.. to go beyond what is right in front of me. To push aside the urgent distractions.

I want my time to be well spent. I want to spend time learning more about this man who could have chosen to love anything in this world, and He chose to love me. I want to be able to share Him with other people more effectively.

I want to leave a legacy.