Just another manic Monday...

You guessed it... It was a stereotypical Monday morning here in the Sweeney house. Shoes were thrown, tears were flung, snot was slung...and all before we woke the kids!! haha..just kidding. Maybe.

 But really.

It all started when my middle child came up not wearing the clothes I had laid out for her. Please understand that she has a strong aversion to anything besides skirts and leggings. She claims to hate jeans. But ya know, sometimes jean are called for. Today was one of those times. After a little fit and some stern words from mom she loudly stomped herself to her room to change.
 Then my oldest daughter came up to get her hair done. And this is where the drama really ensued. Now, shes 10 so I give her just a little more liberty in choosing her outfits. Which sometimes she appreciates and other times its just too overwhelming..but that's another blog. Today, as I give her the once over, I realize that her pants are a little short. And by a little short I mean the girl could wade the Mississippi river and not get her pants wet until she was 3/4 of the way across. Seriously...they are that obviously short. So, I point this out to her and state that perhaps she is wearing her sisters pants? You would have thought that I told her that her (nonexistent ) dog died and not only is he dead, he is NOT going to heaven. The wailing that followed my observation was jaw-dropping. I offered at least 5 other suggestions, but not one was sufficient. She was just mad. And cranky. And everything from that point on was a fight. Nate took the kids to school with Emma kicking and screaming and fighting the whole way. I got a phone call a little later and Nate informed me that Emma had left her binder at home and that she was really upset because now she was going to get a white slip in all 3 classes and she wouldn't be able to participate in "Super Friday" and that the teachers would label her a "bad kid"(um..you should know, she is an amazing student. All of her teachers say so. She is seriously an over-achiever when it comes to school).  Nate was of the mind of she had made her choices that morning and was so busy arguing and being rude that she forgot her things and that she should have to live with the consequences.

Weeeelllll......

Mom has a tendency to be a bit more sympathetic and wants to use these opportunities to teach about grace..and mercy.... In other words, I am a giant pushover. And the thought of my baby being embarrassed at school makes my heart hurt.

However, Nate had told Emma that he was going to suggest that I don't bring it. So now I'm REALLY in a pickle. I don't want to undermine my husbands authority... but It is SO HARD not to swoop in and rescue your child!!

 So, all the while I am praying and asking God for wisdom. And when I say that to Him, about how hard it is to not rescue my child (even though she was acting like a giant turd), He speaks so clearly to my heart and says " Don't you think I know that?".

Oh. ..... OK....?



He then speaks to me and says " My desire is not for your comfort or even for your happiness. My desire is that all are saved and come to me through Jesus.  And that you are then empowered by My Spirit for the express purpose of leading others to my throne of grace. I am OK with you experiencing a little discomfort if that discomfort brings you to a place of humility and brokenness and dependence before me.

Hebrews 12:11

¹¹ All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.

There are bigger things at stake than your ego or reputation or your fleeting desires. I don't rescue you from every fire immediately because often times the purpose of the fire is to expose and remove impurities. You cry out to be rescued, but I want you to learn to trust Me in spite of the fire. Trust that I am doing a work in the midst of the fire."




 He went on to show me that in regards to Emma and my desire to rescue her, that there was a bigger lesson to be learned:

 Our actions are far reaching. And they don't affect just right now and whats in front of us. They can affect our future, and they can affect others.

This is something that we have talked with Emma about countless times. But now she had the opportunity to see it in action. We have also been talking to her about doing the right thing because it's the right thing, Not for reward and not for fear of being caught. We have been talking to her about personal responsibility and the affects of her choices. Mom and dad will not always be there to save her. We have told her " You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices". So today...she gets to experience it for herself.

But its still hard for me to watch. :(



So, God says to me, " So you know how you  said " it's so hard not to rescue your child!"?  And I said " yeah..." He said "that brings me to another point. That time that my one and only Son, was hanging on a tree and He cried out to me. I had to turn my face away. Some people might see that as hateful or insensitive, but I couldn't look because my heart was breaking. As much as it broke my heart for my child to be in that condition.. I knew it was the right thing...It was for a purpose. A greater purpose than anyone could ever have dreamed. So you see, sometimes you have to allow your child to experience the unpleasant".
( He said this so I would know that He knows where I'm at. He sympathizes)
  You have to resist the urge to rescue them and allow the process of sowing and reaping to birth something excellent in them."
 The lessons that stick with us the most, the lessons that truly grow us, are the ones we experience one on one with Jesus. Allowing Him to lead us out of the murky, muddy ditch we are in. Sometimes we put ourselves in that ditch and other times God allows it even though we have done everything we are supposed to do. It's never, ever to be cruel. He is kind.
 Just as I am not trying to be cruel in NOT taking my daughter her binder. I care more about her character than her comfort. And I will be there to hold her. Even if she blames me and she is mad at me. I love her too much to not allow her to feel the sting of the consequences of her behavior. I trust that one day she will see that everything I do is motivated by how much I love her. I have taken my knocks. I have dealt with the results of making bad decisions. And Gods grace blew me away. I would be doing my child a great disservice if I didn't allow her to experience God's amazing grace for herself.
  God is not cruel when He allows trials, or allows us to face consequences. He doesn't always rescue us because He sees a greater purpose. He understands the pain and the discomfort, He experiences it with us, because He NEVER leaves our side.
 The lesson for me today, is trusting God and that He is a better Father than I am mother. The lesson for me is that I have to trust God enough to allow the Biblical truths we teach to our kids to have time to process and produce lasting fruit in them. To resist the urge to pluck them up when a little adverse weather hits and instead trust the nature of storms that causes all plant roots to dig down deep and cling tighter to what grounds them.
 The lesson for Emma is accepting personal responsibility for her behavior. We won't always be spared. When we are ruled by our emotions and act out of them, the ground we stand on is shaky and unsteady. We all have to learn to trust God and do the right thing in spite of how we feel. The principles of sowing and reaping apply to everyone at all times. When you sow bad seed, you yield a rotten harvest. When you plant good seed, you get good fruit and more seed.
So, when we don't understand God's plan, we should trust His heart. His heart for us is good. It's always been good.

Cookie Dough

Several months back...I'd say before Christmas... I was mixing up a batch of cookie dough and thinking about some things that God had placed on my heart regarding my family. Nate and I had really started to take a new approach to our parenting. You see.. I don't believe that it is our job to make our children conform to a set of rules, but rather to lead them to the One, who can transform them from the inside out. As a parent I am hopelessly flawed and in the hullabaloo of every day life, I find myself losing focus of the goal and resorting to desperate measure for the sake of a peaceful household. :) But our Heavenly Father is full of patience and compassion. He is able to teach and train my kids where I can't. My job...is to get them close to Jesus and allow HIM to pierce their hearts. Then, we will see an outward expression of an inward transformation.
 A part of getting them close to Jesus is teaching them all I know about God and His character and how He desires our family to interact with one another... And thankfully.. He will often drop these little stories into my heart to share with the kids. They are practical stories that apply to my kids at the age they are now. So on this particular day I was mixing up a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies and this is what God showed me to share with my kids. I give God all the glory for this... because I am not smart enough or creative enough to think of it myself! It may not mean much to you... but it hit the mark with my kids... and that's what matters the most  ;)  :


 A family is like a batch of cookie dough. Each family member  is an ingredient that does its part to make a perfect batch of cookies. In this case, we have flour, oats, sugar, chocolate chips, milk, eggs and butter. Each ingredient is very important to the final product.  When one is missing or not doing it's part, the dough is useless. If you have only eggs, sugar and butter, you get a runny, gritty batter that won't hold it's shape. If you have just flour, oats and milk, the dough is stiff enough so that you can make a cookie... but it won't taste very good! Likewise.. no single  ingredient is meant to stand alone. If you eat a spoonful of flour you are sure to be disappointed by its bland and flavorless texture. One or two spoonfuls of sugar might taste good, but too much of a good thing is a BAD thing, right?! Butter alone is not so appetizing... but it helps hold thin gs together and complements the sweetness of the chocolate morsels oh so nicely! Each ingredient has a job and God made us to WORK TOGETHER and depend on one another. (Ephesians 4:11-12) 
 So after I poured all the ingredients in the bowl I got out the beaters and mixer and began the process of mixing the dough. God then showed me how life is rough. Sometimes a family goes through rough seasons or difficult  circumstances and it feels like they are getting beat up and thrown around. But God uses those circumstances to make us CLING TO ONE ANOTHER!!... just like the ingredients in our bowl! God wants to use ALL things in our life for our good! (Romans 8:28)
 The last thing He showed me to share with my kids was as I was placing the cookies in the preheated oven. He said the oven represents God's Word and His presence. When we spend time in those two things, as individuals and as a family, we RISE to become what God made us to be and to live out the purpose that God has placed in us!!  Without spending time there in the oven the cookies would remain blobs of dough on a cookie sheet. It wasn't until they spent time in the oven that they became what they were supposed to be all along!! God desires an abiding relationship with us. Its in His word and His presence that we discover our purpose. :)  (John 15:1-8)




 So, that is the little story that I was able to share with my kiddos as we nibbled on our cookies. I THANK GOD for these precious times and the opportunity to talk to my kids in a way that they can relate to..cookies of course!!! :D These are the "crumbs" that my blog is named after! And nothing brings me greater joy than to see the lights of understanding come on in their little hearts!! 
 Thanks for reading and I pray that God will speak to you through all the "crumbs" in your life!! 


Now.. I know you have a hankering for some cookies after that... go on and make some..and bring me a few while your at it! 

Real

An excerpt I read from The Velveteen Rabbit:

Near the beginning of the story the Rabbit asks the Skin Horse, the oldest toy in the nursery, "what is Real?"

"Real isn't how you are made." said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long time, not just to play with, but really loves, then you become real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful.

"When you are real, you don't mind being hurt."

"Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?"

" It doesn't happen all at once ," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time."

... I ain't gonna lie. I totally cried when I read this.

Loco...

~ Motherhood makes me seriously question my sanity.

The question is:

Was I crazy before I became a mom and since having kids my insanity has had more opportunity to... present itself?

OR

Is it motherhood itself that is, in fact, making me loony?

The problem with option one is.... it could only mean I've been this way my whole life but the condition has been lying dormant until approximately 8 years ago.

The (scary) issue with number two is... I'm going to be a mother the rest of my life..... Am I just going to keep getting crazier?!

... that's a problem for me.

That's all folks...

Sharks, Snakes and Salmonella

When I was a little girl, growing up in Northeast Louisiana with two big brothers, I was fearless. In the spring time, when the storms would come and the flood waters would fill the deep "Louisiana-style" ditches, well, we had our very own swimmin' hole right there in our front yard. We would run around in the woods behind our house building forts and playing capture the flag. I rode on the handlebars of my brothers bikes and on the back of 3-wheelers as we splashed through mudholes and flooded canals. Never once did I fear a water moccasin or copper head, though I knew that they weren't uncommon. For whatever reason it never occurred to me to be scared. I followed my brothers, without hesitation, wherever they would allow me too or until they grew tired of me tagging along.

The first time I visited the ocean, I was enraptured. Instantly. To this day it is a feeling that returns every time I stand on a shore and look out at the deep blue. At 12 years old I had to get in that water and let it envelope me. I went as far out as I could possibly go, legs furiously kicking beneath the surface. And again.. although I knew of sharks, the possibility that a threat could be close just wasn't in my thinking. I never feared getting caught in a riptide or trapped beneath a wave. ...I was scared of getting stung by a jellyfish, though....

Many times during my fort-building and ocean diving days I kept myself nourished with the classic kid favorite PB&J. I determined early on that two "fold-over" sandwiches are better than one sandwich made the traditional way with two slices of bread stacked on top of each other. Another favorite snack was to take one of the big spoons from the drawer and dip it into the peanut butter jar and come out with a giant blob of the delicious butter. "Peanut butter spoons". The only fear I had was that my mom or brothers would find me double dipping and ban me from the peanut butter forever. Not once did I ever think my favorite snack held deadly bacteria.

Fast forward to age 21. I am pregnant with my first child. Things have changed. My thinking has changed. On the news I have watched several accounts of shark attacks. One guy lost his leg, another girl her arm. Some people lost their lives. What the...? Why are those sharks swimming in that ocean with those people?!

So with the pregnancy of my first child a whole new world of potentially harmful and deadly scenarios has opened up. I, who, as a teenager, once swam across the Ouachita River ( nearly drowning, mind you) am afraid of the kiddie pool in our back yard, if any kid of mine thinks she will be traipsing herself to the ocean she better think again! I'm sorry.. are you actually riding a bike without a helmet, elbow pads, knee pads, and any other cushion they market to place between you and certain death?! Says the girl who once strapped herself to a string held on by another piece of string and was pulled several hundred feet into the air and then dropped to swing out over the crowd watching below and the hot, hard pavement... Now... Six Flags is Satan's playground!!

As you can see, just the conception, not even the birth, of my first child brought about a host of new and irrational fears. Just two years ago there was pandemonium in grocery stores and playgroups across the country when thousands of jars of peanut butter were found to be contaminated with salmonella. REALLY?! I can't even feed my child LUNCH anymore?!

Since becoming a mom, the opportunity for fear has presented itself on many fronts. Regardless of the fact that as a child, I frolicked in the woods like Goldilocks, this is simply unacceptable for my kids. I, personally have killed 3 snakes in our yard alone. Who KNOWS what awaits them in the actual woods?!

Yes, motherhood has opened up my eyes to the reality of the dangers in our world. We have experienced some scares and close calls. I have kissed bo-bos and bandaged wounds. There have been ER visits and late night stomach bugs. Since the birth of my kids I have been introduced to even scarier thoughts and words, like SIDS and syndrome. First hand and as friends we have experienced life's worst heartaches.

What frightens me most is all the unseen that I am powerless to protect them from. Heartbreak and loss, betrayal and disappointment. Failure and pride.

When trying to conceive, our focus was timing. In pregnancy it was their physical health. Upon first glance of my daughters face, I immediately understood that life is so much scarier than sharks, snakes and salmonella. While the media brings to light the dangers of standing water and West Nile virus, it does nothing to address the issues of the human heart. Sure, we hear about gang-related crimes and meth labs, but it all seems so removed from us and our kids. We don't hear the back story of those involved in these activities. What was home- life like for these people who eventually turned to gangs in search of family and belonging? What makes a person so desperate that they risk their lives and the lives of their children to get their next fix? What abuses have people suffered via parents and other authority figures? And what kind of warped message have they received about love that would cause them to turn on the innocent? Where is their hope?

I have to be so careful here to not let fear creep in. I know of many, many people, either personally or 2nd hand who have suffered at the hands of those who were supposed to nurture. They been neglected and left alone vulnerable by the ones who were supposed to protect them. As a pastors wife I have seen the best and the worst of people and I have seen the foundation from which they have built their lives. All have hurt in their past. Every last one, from the suicidal to the flourishing. Seeing this, coupled with my own short-comings, it becomes easy for anxiety concerning my own kids to take over.

You see, I want to keep them from all of this. From the snakes and the sharks and that darn peanut butter! Even more, I want to protect them from the heartache and betrayal. Prejudice and being treated unfairly because they are just a little different from everyone else. Those deep, deep boo-boos that are too messy for a mommy's kiss and bleed too much for a Dora band-aid. Being powerless to stop these kinds of pains. Having to watch as they experience break-ups and rejection. Not making the baseball team. The dreaded "chubby" phase...Knowing that I will have to stand-by and watch, powerless to stop it. Because it's all apart of parenting and growing up. As a mother I have to learn to let go, whether its of the back of a bike sans training wheels or a young adult who is making decisions that I think are unwise. And my children must learn to lean on Jesus. The only way for them to experience Him personally is for me to get out of the way and stop catching them. It's scary. Will they fall on the Rock and be broken or will their pride get in the way and they find themselves crushed beneath the Rock? And will they blame me? Did I step-back when I should have stepped in? Was I pushy and controlling? Will I push them away....?

As I contemplate these things, I know that I am seeing a glimpse of the Fathers heart and the way He desires for us to parent our children. Just as with our first parents, Adam and Eve, He created a safe place for them. They were surrounded by beauty and had more than enough. They had a relationship with God and they walked with Him daily. He gave them all that they needed.

And He gave them free will. He let them go. Knowing the choices they would make. Watching, with tearful eyes no doubt, when they surrendered to temptation.

He KNEW!

He knew what they would choose. What we would choose. And He lets us go anyway. Making sure that He provided a Way back. And He is confident in that Way. Confident enough to let go.

And that's how I should parent. Not with fear but with confidence in the Truth. Trusting that Jesus is all that we are and all that we are not. He gives us our strength and makes up for that which we lack.

With a tight grasp, I teach and train. Slowly letting go, one finger at a time, until my hands are open. Watching as they wobble and sway in an effort to find their balance. Praying that as they trip and stumble and bang their heads that they will remember what we've taught them. That the light of Truth that was lit in them will light the path back to the Fathers arms and to my front door...

Vacation is over.

Oh my... what an insane few weeks it has been.

We were able to take a little mini vacay to Branson the 2nd week in Feb. We were so blessed to have someone set us up with a place to stay. It was SUCH a relaxing week . Nate and I both commented that we hadn't been that relaxed in a long time. We enjoyed time with the kids. My parents came along so we were able to visit with them. Mom and I even got to do some shopping at the outlet mall and enjoyed a "big girl" lunch together. On Wednesday, Nate's bday, we woke up to snow everywhere and still falling fast. We spent most of the day inside, staying warm, playing games and eating ..oh the eating. That night we ventured out to..EAT. haha! We stayed one more day before heading home on Friday.

We thought we needed that week as a rest from the weeks before... it was more of a chance to stop and catch our breath, get a swig of water and run headfirst back into the game!

Our calender has had us so busy. If Nate's not at a meeting then I am. We just wave to each other as we pass in the doorway!

Along with having crazy schedules we have had some personal trials and multiple loss in our extended family. It's one thing to deal with emotional issues, but it's been so crazy and so hard hitting I feel like I haven't truly got to grieve and process one event before another one hits! Not to mention our schedules have simply not allowed us to sit down and take inventory of our emotions. I'm a little afraid to slow down as I feel that when I do all of these things will slam into me. You know how when someone is driving and suddenly brakes and the car behind them rear ends them. I don't know whether to keep speeding along and maybe it will never catch up, should I try and turn and "lose" them or just brace myself for impact..?

I am so grateful to be surrounded by people and friends who are lifting me up. I love that the people in my life are not just praying that my prayers be answered. They aren't praying that things work out for me and my family. They are praying that God's truth prevail in my life, that his Word guides me and brings life to all my flesh.

I know that God allows us to face trials and to be pressed and squeezed so that we can identify the impurities and get them out. Sometimes it takes a trial to realize those things are there.

Or sometimes, it's like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego, who wire tied up and thrown into the fiery furnace because they wouldn't bow to a false God. They were tied up...yet they were seen walking around in the fire ... there ropes were burned off! God allows the trials so that the ties that bind us can be destroyed. The fire is HOT but it brings ultimate freedom.

Thank you Beth Moore and the "Daniel" study for that analogy.

The other thing we learned through that study is this :

Consider 3 different scenarios when people of God face a fiery trial:

A. We can be delivered from the fire. ( We are spared in completely)

dividend? Our faith is built.

B. We can be delivered through the fire. ( we go through it, but come out not even smelling of smoke)

dividend? Our faith is refined.

C.We can be delivered by the fire straight into His arms. ( Our flesh is destroyed by it and we are with Jesus)

Dividend? Our faith is perfected.

.... I know that my time on earth isn't up so it isn't option c. And it's pretty obvious that option A is no longer a possibility.

So... refine me Lord!

Turner Syndrome Awareness Month- February

So, this February will be the first ever Turner Syndrome Awareness month. February is perfect for TS because it's the shortest month of the year. One of the most prominent symptoms of TS is short stature.

This is a cause that is very, very near to my heart because my daughter Jillian has Turner Syndrome. Jillian is 5 years old and I am SO, SO grateful that she was diagnosed at birth. You can read her story in an earlier post from last year. You can also learn more about TS by visiting Turnersyndromesociety.org.

TS is much, more than short stature and it effects 1 in 2,500 females. 98% of baby girls with TS are miscarried. TS accounts for 10% of miscarriages. there is no cure for Turner Syndrome.

Raising awareness is important because early diagnosis is imperative for the best treatment for TS. It very often goes undiagnosed because the symptoms vary so widely. So many women have missed out on important medical help simply because their doctors did not recognize the symptoms until it was too late to treat them.

Raising awareness will also help the girls and their families get the financial assistance to treat their various needs. Just to give you a picture... Jillian saw 11 specialists in her first year of life. She sees an endocrinologist every 3 months, a cardiologist and a nephrologist (kidney). She takes a growth hormone shot every night. The medicine alone costs approx $2,000 a month. She has had other expensive medical issues and will begin hormone replacement therapy around the age of puberty. THANK GOD our needs are met and we have help with all of her medical bills. That is not the case for all of the girls.

I am purchasing little pins to wear for the month of Feb. If you would like to help raise awareness by purchasing a pin, please let me know. They also have bracelets for $3 and t-shirts for $18.

Thanks so much for your help in raising awareness so these girls can live the healthiest lives possible.