Crumbs: June 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

This weekend I was listening to a guy talk about that story in the Bible, you know the one that talks about the woman with the issue of blood, she had been sick for like, 12 years or something? Anyway, he was talking about how Jesus was surrounded by all sorts of people and he was bumping into everyone and how she made her way through that mess, knowing that if she could just touch the hem of His cloak that she would be healed. As this guy was talking, I was picturing the whole scene. And I saw something there that I have never seen before. That woman touched Him on PURPOSE. It was her INTENT. While everyone there was crowding Jesus and accidentally bumping him...she reached forth, pressed her way through the madness, with expectation and touched Him. It was then that Jesus felt that power leave His body.
As all of this played in my mind I thought.. "I want to be that woman". I want my faith to be intentional. I do not want to be one of the crowd, walking and talking with all the others and merely brushing up against the saviour, only making contact because I happened to be in the right place at the right time. I want to pursue Him, reach for Him. I want my PURPOSE to be that I touch Him. In the mayhem of life, I want to push through, with intent, and grab, with full knowledge of what I am doing.
I don't want to be one of the ones who is pushed along by the crowd, being tossed this way and that, never quite sure of my destination. I've come "here" for a reason. My life has purpose. .. I have spent so much of that life merely surviving the throngs of people and circumstances...
I know that at different times in my life, I have been part of the crowd and I have been the woman with the issue ( OK..so I'm ALWAYS the woman with an issue). Sometimes as part of the crowd I have brushed up against God. But it wasn't the same as when I was actively pursuing Him. Those were the precious times. Those were the times that saw me through, that built up my faith. Those times that I sought God unreservedly, apologetically, with complete abandonment. I sought Him ON PURPOSE, and His power flowed.

The significance of CRUMBs...

In answer to your unasked question, my reason for titling my web log crumbs is: It is probably the noun, and at times the verb , which best describes my present life. By definition a crumb is:
n.
1. A very small piece broken from a baked item, such as a cookie, cake, or bread.
2. A small fragment, scrap, or portion: eraser crumbs; not a crumb of kindness for you.
3. The soft inner portion of bread.

Slang A contemptible, untrustworthy, or loathsome person.

v. crumbed, crumb·ing, crumbs v. tr.
1. To break into very small pieces; crumble.
2. To cover or prepare with very small pieces of bread.
3. To brush (a table or cloth) clear of small scraps or fragments of food.

v. intr. To break apart in very small pieces: a solid cake that won't crumb.

So, if you know me at all, you can see how everyone of the previous definitions applies to me, right? Crumbs... or "crumbing" are all a matter of perspective...
With 3 small children under the age of 5, I have become increasingly familiar with crumbs. The ever-present reminder that I am never alone, not even in the bathroom. The "crunch" that reappears over and over and over after I have swept the floor countless times. It crackles in my ears and grates my bare feet... like the constant nag that time is precious and the years are flying by. The crumbs are proof, that I have in fact done something with my life, most likely the greatest contribution I will make to this world. . .

I spend a good sized portion of my day "crumbing". When I see the crumbs that litter my floors and furniture I am filled first, admittedly, with ... aggravation. " WHY, for the love of swiffer, can't they eat over their plates?!" But then almost instantly, I am filled with dread and anticipation, joy and hope, all at the same time. For I am realizing that these short 18 years, 20 if I'm lucky, are just that. Short. I am realizing that these little crumb-snatchers that have become my everything, my world, my purpose, my whole reason for existing, are only here for a little while. Like the "very small piece broken from a baked good", that is what I have of them. Just a small portion of their hopefully long spans of life.
It is my prayer .. that I do not despise the crumbs. That I will take my OWN crumbs, the most important bits of my life, the most significant moments, the wisest words, the joy of simplicity and share them with my children. That they would grind into the fiber of their beings and stick to their hearts like the pb&J presently stuck to my white sock. I want to be " the soft inner portion of bread". An easy, gentle, warm, fulfilling place for my children to fall.

And it is my prayer that I will put away my broom and dustpan and make crumb cake with my kids.

It is my hope for you... that you will enjoy the crumbs I share with you here, but even more so.. that you will learn to enjoy your own crumbs.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

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