Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I know it seems like I have writers block, especially since I made a commitment to blog something everyday. And yet I haven't written much at all.
Mostly it's because I have a bunch of stuff going on in my head and I don't won't to post a "heavy" blog.
That is why my next three posts will be about my children. They make me happy. When I think about them I smile... and I hope that when you read about how I see them, that you will smile too.
Emma Grace just turned 8 last week. When I think back to the week she was born, I remember the cool autumn air and sitting on my parents back porch drinking sweet tea. Nate and I were so young and naive. We had this parenting thing all figured out and we were going to rock it. We both loved kids, came from large families and had babysat hundreds of times. We were pros.
Our first taste of parenting and our first glimpse into Emma's personality and my actual parenting style ( as opposed to the one that would magically come upon me when I gave birth...right) came about a month or so before she was born. Let's just say I didn't take the greatest care of myself and Emma did NOT find this to her satisfaction. I began experiencing high blood pressure and some major swelling. Eventually, it was this high blood pressure that landed me in the hospital 3 1/2 weeks before my due date, getting prepped for induction. I went in on a Sunday afternoon and pitocin was started at 1 AM Monday Oct 21st. After 12 painful , and rather trippy hours of epidural-less labor, Emma finally made her appearance, red-faced and screaming and telling the world of her injustice. And oh... so, so beautiful. To this day, I have never seen a more beautiful newborn baby... and I have two more kids.
Life changed forever that day for Nate and I. Every idea about parenting we had came crashing down for what would be the first..but not the last, time. Things were rough, to say the least, those first few months as I battled postpartum depression on top of sleep-deprivation and Emma refused to nurse.
Eventually... Emma and I... we found our way. It hasn't been easy as we are so much alike yet so very different. Emma is still the most beautiful little girl I have ever seen. She has smooth, pink skin and sparkly blue eyes and a smile that will melt hearts.
Not only is she beautiful... she's smart. And I meant it... she really is smart. I'm not being all crazy like she's a prodigy or anything. I mean that she's a deep thinker. This year I have had the privledge (and the headache) of homeschooling her. While I really don't think we will do it again, I have so enjoyed getting to get a peek inside her head. Emma thinks of questions that I would never think to ask. She has a beautifully compassionate heart. I love to hear her thoughts on how we can, through Christ, make a difference in this world. I am amazed at her tenderness towards "the least of these", be they animals or little children or maybe the mentally handicapped. She shows a great wisdom in her actions, thoughts and words towards them.
She has taught me so much.
And she's funny! She loves to make people laugh, especially her dad. I can tell that for her to get an honest belly laugh from her dad is like winning the gold! And when we get an honest belly laugh from her....it is the sweetest, most adorable sound!
Emma Grace... has lived up to her name. Emma- Healer and Grace- God's unmerited favor and empowerment. Through loving her, God has healed places in me that I didn't even know were broken. In teaching her and raising her and struggling with her, my eyes have been opened to so much more of my shortcomings...yet even more of God's grace.
She is my Emma Girl.
Posted by Monica at 7:52 PM
Monday, October 25, 2010
Tonight at Walmart.. I placed into my cart... age-defying facial cleanser AND and eye cream that is useful for both bags and crows feet.
When it comes to skin care systems I have a little dilemma. While it has become very evident that plumpers and fillers are needed (apparently 10 years ago :( ) ... I still need something to help prevent acne too! I have spent collective hours standing on tippy toes and squatting ( which is not as easy as it used to be) to find the magical cream that treats both acne and fine lines. From what I can tell... it doesn't exist. There is no "middle age" cream. Wrimple (pimple/wrinkle) cream.
and another thing.... I don't REMEMBER getting old. One night I went to bed a young, skinny, firm, woman. And I swear it was just the next day when I woke up......... tired!!!
...and.... squishy. :/
But know this...
I'm not stressing. I'm not afraid of aging.... I just didn't realize I was already doing it. Now that I have been made aware I am ready to embrace it! I've been on google researching Bingo strategies and finding out which restaurants honor the AARP.
...this is gonna be good. ;)
Posted by Monica at 8:14 PM
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tonight I am happy because ... I now have FOUR followers on my blog!!
I feel so special! So honored that you all would choose to follow my blog. All on your own. Without any persuasion WHATSOEVER from me. I mean.. its not like I sent out an email whining to you guys about needing followers cause I had none. No...nothing of the sort.
Really though. Thanks.
Really though. Thanks.
Posted by Monica at 8:56 PM
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Today, as I was at church and participating in the worship service, my heart was just impressed to declare "Holy, Holy, Holy" to the Lord. So I looked up the word holy and this is what it means:
"exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness."
Something that the holy spirit begin to press on my heart is this:
I have always been one to relate to God and tell people about God either from the perspective that He is a loving and devout father, or a passionate and faithful bridegroom. Both of these personifications are accurate and extremely powerful. But God wanted me to see that He is "worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness".
In that moment I experienced and sense of power and authority and reverence that I have never experienced before. Yes, He loves us, yes He is caring and compassionate, yes, He is faithful. But God was using this time to show me that there is no one who I could ever compare to his Power! His Majesty! I mean... Imagine Sampson and His strength...or Solomon and all His wisdom, Paul and his powerful convictions, ..... None of these men and there strength came even the tiniest fraction of fractions in comparison!! I understood the awesomeness of a God who could create the most intricate details of my innermost being with the same hand he used to wipe out entire nations. I felt so small... but not in a demeaning or shameful way. I understood that His wisdom is absolutely unending. He hold the answers to EVERYTHING... EVERYTHING!! Do you realize how INCREDIBLE that is?!? Think about it!!
I guess, you could say, I was just given fresh perspective of who I am in comparison to Him. And also who I am BECAUSE of Him. In a moment all self-doubts and insecurity was diminished drastically because I realized EVERYTHING good and profitable in me is from Him!
So, yes, he loves and protects me like a daddy loves and protects his little girl and he woos me and draws me closer like a lover. But He is God. The one and only. The perfect ONE. Worthy of praise and adoration and respect and reverence.
I believe, partly he allowed me to see this because of my doubt. In this time, this morning, I realized that there were some areas I wasn't trusting Him in. I'm convinced He wanted me to see His POWER and authority is unmatched! There is no power on earth, no sickness or disease, no person with ill-intentions for me, no circumstance... NOTHING... that is bigger or more powerful than He.
........................................I'm afraid my writing falls painfully short of communicating the experience that I had. But I guess thats fitting with the theme that nothing compares to Him and His glory and his presence. I could never retell my morning with the conviction that the Holy Spirit shared it with me.
But... the good news is.... you can experience this kind of relationship too. That's what God desires of us.
For me... Going beyond and experiencing MORE of this beautiful relationship with Christ, is going to require some physical acts of CHOOSING His presence. It means turning off the TV or putting down the book or shutting off the computer ( youch) to embark on a journey where the experiences are real and ETERNAL.
I think I'm ready.. to go beyond what is right in front of me. To push aside the urgent distractions.
I want my time to be well spent. I want to spend time learning more about this man who could have chosen to love anything in this world, and He chose to love me. I want to be able to share Him with other people more effectively.
I want to leave a legacy.
Posted by Monica at 6:43 PM