Pardon the cheesy reference to that famous movie...
Well, so many events in the past few months have led me to some personal soul searching. It seems over and over I have found myself in a place to be... offended. Now, I know that offense is wrong. I have set through some phenomenol teaching on how offense is trap meant to set us up for failure and discontentment, broken relationships and isolation. Satan will do anything to distract us from pursuing Gods call on our lives. His worse fear is that we would truly KNOW God, recognize WHO we are in HIM and finally start living like we have the hope of heaven in our hearts. Yet, knowing this, I STILL find myself entangled in this nasty snare.
What I am in the process of learning is that: People react out of their hurt and people react out of their insecurities. I am learning I MUST have grace for people and realize when its the hurt and insecurities talking.
What I am learning about myself is: I am a fixer. I want to change people. And SOOO many times I want people to come around to my way of thinking. (Oh, I am definitly NOT a debater. I'm no good at agreeing to disagree) What GOD is showing me is that there is PLENTY to fix right here in my own heart. I should apply my eagerness to my own untended garden. I realize now that my obsession w/ "fixing" others and even condemning the actions I disagreed with, was not because I wanted them to live a more abundant life, "walk in all God has for them" (though I DO want that for them) it was really about me, well... avoiding me. In trying to help others all in the name of "ministry" I was actually avoiding all the issues and hurt and insecurities in my own heart. All of my outward actions have been less about the inward change and more about control. I have recently been challenged to examine my life and my actions . I never realized how much of what I do is more about self-protection and less about living out whats happening inside of me. More about insecurities in my self, my past...instead of security in Gods word and His plan for my life, His work in my heart.
I know that I can only change me. I am only in charge of me. Any change, any growth, any depth that I expect to see, I should start first with myself. HA! Thats where God sent me cause He knows THAT will take a lifetime.
Grace comes in where I have to give people the benefit of the doubt that God is working on them, that they have insecurities just like me. If I MUST assume things of people, I must assume that they too are a work in progress.
We're all in this together. The best thing we could do is support each other on this journey. Extending grace for grace...
One thing I KNOW of myself... I am a Truth seeker. At all cost I want the truth no matter what, even when it's ugly. Well, grace and truth go hand in hand. I don't think one is greater than another. I believe that grace is unending and though I feel I grasp Gods grace in my life more than I ever have, I cannot nor will I ever be able to truly fathom its extensiveness. I believe that Truth is truth no matter what. Wether we choose to believe in it or walk in it does not change the fact that truth is truth. They work together in that Grace makes living and facing truth possible and truth makes grace so, so, so, so, much more precious.
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