Crumbs: Reduced to nothing

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Reduced to nothing

It's only in HIM that I find ANY worth. Any value . Anything of substance. The longer I live and the more I come face to face with my torn and tattered humanity, the more I realize that I have nothing to offer this world. On my own I don't have a leg to stand on. I cannot trust my own heart. My mind deceives me and tempts me down roads that I am sure lead to destruction.
But then He comes, through a song, through a book, through my husband, through His precious spirit and he touches that place in me. He reveals my sin and ever so graciously uncovers all that has been hidden. Then He RESTORES me!! He places value on my broken life. HE makes me worthy. And the worth that He puts in me cannot be taken away, by anyone.
And He loves me. The more layers of filth that He strips off, the more I see that He loves me. The more layers of "Monica" that He takes away, the more I see of Him and that HE LOVES ME.
.. as I am "reduced to nothing"... He is gently, tenderly, fully, completely, undeniably, patiently, in- no -way -like -I've -ever -been -loved- before, loving me .

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The significance of CRUMBs...

In answer to your unasked question, my reason for titling my web log crumbs is: It is probably the noun, and at times the verb , which best describes my present life. By definition a crumb is:
n.
1. A very small piece broken from a baked item, such as a cookie, cake, or bread.
2. A small fragment, scrap, or portion: eraser crumbs; not a crumb of kindness for you.
3. The soft inner portion of bread.

Slang A contemptible, untrustworthy, or loathsome person.

v. crumbed, crumb·ing, crumbs v. tr.
1. To break into very small pieces; crumble.
2. To cover or prepare with very small pieces of bread.
3. To brush (a table or cloth) clear of small scraps or fragments of food.

v. intr. To break apart in very small pieces: a solid cake that won't crumb.

So, if you know me at all, you can see how everyone of the previous definitions applies to me, right? Crumbs... or "crumbing" are all a matter of perspective...
With 3 small children under the age of 5, I have become increasingly familiar with crumbs. The ever-present reminder that I am never alone, not even in the bathroom. The "crunch" that reappears over and over and over after I have swept the floor countless times. It crackles in my ears and grates my bare feet... like the constant nag that time is precious and the years are flying by. The crumbs are proof, that I have in fact done something with my life, most likely the greatest contribution I will make to this world. . .

I spend a good sized portion of my day "crumbing". When I see the crumbs that litter my floors and furniture I am filled first, admittedly, with ... aggravation. " WHY, for the love of swiffer, can't they eat over their plates?!" But then almost instantly, I am filled with dread and anticipation, joy and hope, all at the same time. For I am realizing that these short 18 years, 20 if I'm lucky, are just that. Short. I am realizing that these little crumb-snatchers that have become my everything, my world, my purpose, my whole reason for existing, are only here for a little while. Like the "very small piece broken from a baked good", that is what I have of them. Just a small portion of their hopefully long spans of life.
It is my prayer .. that I do not despise the crumbs. That I will take my OWN crumbs, the most important bits of my life, the most significant moments, the wisest words, the joy of simplicity and share them with my children. That they would grind into the fiber of their beings and stick to their hearts like the pb&J presently stuck to my white sock. I want to be " the soft inner portion of bread". An easy, gentle, warm, fulfilling place for my children to fall.

And it is my prayer that I will put away my broom and dustpan and make crumb cake with my kids.

It is my hope for you... that you will enjoy the crumbs I share with you here, but even more so.. that you will learn to enjoy your own crumbs.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Reduced to nothing

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